It had been three days of Tom not being able to keep anything down and he was in horrible shape. I knew I needed to get him to the hospital. He was being so stubborn however as he hated the hospitals understandably. A lot of cancer patients die from getting the flu or other complications, so he was refusing to go. I called a nurse to come to the house and it took us both over an hour to convince him it was best. She said she would send over his paperwork and assured us there would be a room waiting for us when we arrived. I finally get him in a wheelchair and into the ER and they look at us with a blank stare. We don’t have a room open they say, we don’t even have your paperwork, so please wait your turn. Tom’s look of anger towards me nearly makes me crumble. I fill out the paperwork and sit next to him as I hear coughs and see sick people all around us. This wave of fear and panic comes pressing down on me, but I’m the one who has to stay strong and figure out what to do now. I remember putting my hand on his back as I literally pushed the fear away from me with my other hand as I demanded out loud from God, “ I need a butterfly and I need light or I’m leaving this hospital !!!!” I immediately felt the fear leave my body and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. What do I do now though??? Do I take him home, to another hospital or wait for my “butterfly and light” to show up, which the likely hood of that is slim to none in a hospital. And, why did I ask for “light” I wondered ?? I began to feel the worry wash over me again, but I remembered what Suzette said. It will all work out in the end and I can trust my butterflies to guide me. I’m on the right path to have brought him here, I just knew it in my gut. And, the minute I released my fears a nurse came up to us and said to her surprise the perfect ER room just opened up. And, to both Tom and my utter shock it was the perfect room! Painted on the wall was a picture of a girl with brown hair and butterfly wings. Tom looks at me and finally concedes. “ Ok, I believe in your “butterflies” now”, he said. Peace and gratitude filled my heart as I know I’m being watched over and guided from above.
August 27, 2015
They send him in for an ultrasound to see what’s going on. Tom’s mom arrives and I move my chair over so she can sit next to him. The doctor comes in an hour later with indefinite results. He explains that the blockage could either be the tumor or just may be the chemo which often times stops things from passing through he explained. Either way Tom needed an IV to get some fluids back in his body. The choice was ours to make the doctor said. He could stay in the hospital or be sent home with an IV. As he left the room leaving us with this major decision he turned off the light. What doctor turns off the light, right ?? Well, when he did there was one small window and the sun must have been setting just perfectly as a beam of sunlight casted its rays over Tom’s hospital bed and landed literally on my gut. Tom’s mom looks over at me and says, “Ok, Rach what do you think we should do?” I looked at them and said, “My gut feel says that this is more serious than we know and he should stay in the hospital.” And my gut was right!
It was the chemo that had grew the tumor creating a complete blockage in his intestines. We wouldn’t find that out till later, but if we would have brought him home he wouldn’t have made it as long as he did. It was another two very hard months in the hospitals with a near death experience, complications and critical decisions we had to make. But, at every major crossroad, my “butterflies” literally showed up in miraculous ways. Those stories come next, but I soon learned that “my winged friends come to keep me grounded and remind me I can trust my gut.” And, now I know it’s not just butterflies, but dragonflies and hummingbirds too, and I would learn later that all creation can give us messages and guidance.
From the beginning of time every civilization has had a connection with nature. Every culture defining it and relying on it differently, but all can agree that each animal, insect and ecosystem is a beautiful, intriguing balance of life force. Being of Native American decent I will choose to use the term “spirit guide”, as it became an integral concept I was introduced to to see beyond just the “butterflies” and how all of creation can come to help guide us if we have the openness, awareness and ability to believe in the wisdom behind each individual creature whether great or small. Dragonflies and hummingbirds had already made their presence known to me over the course of the last few months caring for Tom, so I will begin my next blog going back a bit as they “showed up” as well.
Wow! Even now I just had another time “coincidence” show up!! I pressed send at 8:51 a.m. which is “ Tom’s Time”. Another story I will share about a hummingbird coming to me after Tom had passed. I was able through time literally changing on my phone and some other awareness I had of time and numbers to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. He gave me a powerful message for his best friend that was perfectly timed!
For two years now I have had this feeling like I need to write my stories down. But, busyness, fears, insecurities and wanting to protect my privacy and husbands memory, and not to mention I had no clue how to even start a blog, I had enough excuses to not do it. It was National dog day and I was flipping through my phone to find a picture to post on instagram of my dog Lucky who I couldn’t have gotten through the last few years without. One of “Tom’s songs” comes on so now I’m thinking of him and I came all the way to the pictures of him and the butterfly girl in the ER room that I just posted. I text my friend and realize its 8:51 p.m. ( Tom’s time) and then I see the date and couldn’t believe it! It was 4 years to the exact date August 26th, 2015 that he was in that hospital room. I knew it was Tom giving me his permission and telling me, it’s TIME!!!!
Even now I just have to release all my fears knowing that the greater purpose behind my blogs will come through. My hope is that they are the beginning of the “butterfly effect”. So pass them on and please share with me your “butterfly” stories. After Tom passed I’ve been amazed at how other widows and people who have lost have crossed my path have their own “butterfly’’ stories as well. I believe with enough momentum we can really get the message across that the natural world around us truly has the power to get us through this life “supernaturally”!