Tom and I spent three weeks down at UCLA in the hospital. They attempted surgery to remove the tumor. During his surgery I sat there alone in the hospital room waiting. This feeling of warmth came over me at one point and this song came on that sang “ be the butterfly that you are becoming “. I froze in awe as I looked down at the album cover and it looked like Tom with his angel halo giving me a hug, and I’m the one with the wings on holding on. I knew he was still alive though and we would go home at some point. His final home however would be in heaven.
I wasnt alone! He was there with me, and I knew he always would be no matter what. My mom sent a picture as well of a giant dragonfly that had flown in our house just that morning and landed on the window. It was a message of hope and strength for my parents and kids as well as they were awaiting news of how the surgery went as well. He made it through the surgery and as he was a bit loopy coming out of the anesthesia, he was worried and kept asking me how his friends wife was . She was in the ER he said, but I had no idea what he was talking about. Low and behold it was true though!!! His friends wife was rushed to the ER, at some point during his surgery, but in San Diego!!! How he knew that we will never know, but something happened where he was able to find her in another realm. She later painted a beautiful painting of a hummingbird for me.
Unfortunately, even the best of the best couldn’t remove the tumor. They stitched him back up with yet another challenge for him to overcome. They had to perform what’s called an ileostomy because the tumor was causing a total blockage in his intestines. Part of his colon was placed outside of his stomach with a bag that collected all the waste. The biggest fear at this point was if any of the waste were to seep out of the bag and into the unhealed incision he could go septic and die. Once again even the best of the best were having a hard time keeping a tight seal, and of course our biggest fear came true. But, thankfully we caught it quick, got him on anti-biotics and with time he was able to eat again ,walk
The day had finally arrived for us to take him home. So much preparation, concern, and fear, but also this hope and excitement to bring him home! All of it swirling in my head and my heart as we prepare to leave the hospital. He wanted me to drive him and not be in an ambulance. His life was now in my hands. With his massive incision still not healed and his ileostomy bag still not sealing properly, to say that I had a lot to be worried about was an understatement!
I had only watched the nurses do the grueling and complicated procedure of removing the bag and replacing it. I knew that if his bag failed on the three hour trip home I would be the one to replace it on the side of the road. We had prepared for him to stay at his moms house for the next two weeks to heal and gain strength to walk up the stairs to come home. All was in place and I was feeling calm and ready enough, but time was ticking!!
His best friend Ryan arrived to travel with us because I wasn’t strong enough to lift him in and out of the car in case of an emergency. We were just waiting for his prescriptions and then we would be off. But, as I watched another hour go by the fear of getting caught in LA traffic was looming. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I decided to go down to the pharmacy and see what the hold up was. I hadn’t been down to the lower levels of the hospital and of course thats when they “showed up” ! My butterfly and dragonfly pictures as I walked out of the elevator to keep me grounded and remind me I’m on the right path.
I get down there and they told me it would be another hour. My heart sank. I slowly made my way back up to Tom afraid to tell him, but he looked at me and said, “ Its ok, I got this”. Im counting the minutes and the hour goes by. I decide to run down there now and demand them!! I somehow get off on a different floor. Where were the butterfly pictures I thought??? I had to take some steps down and this time they were literally fluttering on the wall!! Instant calm came over me. I got to the pharmacy and they told me they just sent them up to the room!
I get up there and Ryan is ready to rock with his bags in hand and the wheel chair arriving. The back of my mind still fearing traffic, and as we enter the on ramp the traffic control signals are on and we are stopped at the red light. My heart beating as i prepare to get on the freeway to see a crowded freeway. And then I hear Ryan in the backseat yell, “Look Rach its your Dragonfly “!!!! A dragonfly flew across the windshield to remind me that no matter what, Im strong enough and on the right path. Even on an LA freeway just before rush hour!! Maybe just maybe all the waiting and traffic looming was meant to stop me just enough to see the ‘magic’ in it all and remind me it’s all part of the plan.
Thankfully though we cruised through! Miraculously there was NO traffic!!!! We got him home to his parents house where they had set up a hospital bed. The two of them there full time to care for him and a nurse would be arriving the next day to change his bag. And, I get to finally be home with my kids and my dog after three long weeks away!
These days were, ‘One breath at a time, with a little help from my friends.’ The stories I have of the next three weeks of my “spirit guides” and angles showing up are some of the most powerful. I was in definitely in survival mode, but some how each day someone or something would show up to get me through each day. My husband’s life it felt like was in my hands as I was also trying to care for my three young kids, but I knew now I would be guided through it all. The lessons we all learned were life changing to say the least! Even through “life and death”, the ‘magic’ is all around us if we can just have the eyes to see it and then release the fear of ‘what happens next’, no matter what does happen, we will be guided and grounded to get through it.
