My other Grandma passed away that January . In December I had had a vivid dream of her passing, which I later found out she did pass over, but came back as she said her job wasn’t quite finished here on earth. She lived a beautiful life and is still an inspiration for me. At her funeral they shared how she would always say, “ Stop and smell the roses”. Back home after the memorial and on my usual run with my dog through our property trails a bush with pink flowers had literally bloomed within a few days of my last run and blocked the path. So I was forced to stop! I decided to lift up thoughts to my Grandma thanking her for who she was in my life, and then I asked her to bring a butterfly if I’m on the right path to separate from my husband. Right after I said it a painted butterfly floated over and landed on the pink flowers to my absolute shock and stayed just long enough for me to get this picture. However, it was the feeling that I got that was even more powerful. I could feel my grandmas energy ! It was so light and happy and empowering. I knew then that I was on the right path and what Suzette predicted would come to pass. Separation isn’t want anyone wants after working on 18 years of marriage, but my gut feel was that it was the right thing to do to get us on the right path wherever that would lead us.
Tom and I started couples counseling shortly after, but things weren’t getting any better. We had had a really hard night attempting to go on a date that turned into a business meeting with his partners. He had chosen to take a position as the Global CEO which he promised me he wouldn’t if we still weren’t doing well. He made his choice despite everything which meant he would be gone even more and I knew then that things would never change. The next day I went for a run and I was crying out and saying, “ I deserve more”. At that exact moment a butterfly hit me in the face.
The whole “butterfly” thing has definitely gotten my attention at this point. I remember dancing after a concert I went to and this big African American woman was dancing and came up to me and said, “ Girl, you dance just a butterfly”. They were everywhere now that my eyes were open to see them. From movies and music lyrics to pictures, tattoos and real ones, they kept “showing up” .
The first time they actually came to help guide me however was one of Tom and my counseling sessions. It was February 2015 now around Valentines Day and we have a counseling session. I go to the kitchen sink and I see a dead bird in it. My heart feeling sad as I wonder if it’s a sign that our marriage is dead too. I arrive to her office and I walk past this car with Love and a butterfly painted on it. I knew the time was coming for Tom and I to begin the separation process, but I was convinced that in the end LOVE would win. My heart was pounding, but I knew it was right and hopefully we could learn to co-parent and heal our broken relationship whether we stayed married or divorced.
We arrived separately to her office, but she wasn’t there. As Tom called her a white butterfly flew up to us in the courtyard where we were standing. I took a deep breath and said to myself “ Im on the right path” and I felt this wave of peace come over me. I knew we were being watched over and guided. She had moved offices and forgot to tell us, but somehow I knew this was all part of the plan. As I drove across town a butterfly flew across my car as this special song came on that always did at times like this, and knew today was the day. We sit down in her new office which had a window in it unlike her other office . She asks me to say how I really feel and what I want to see happen. A wave of fear rushed over me, but then I saw a Monarch butterfly fly across her window and it was the sign I needed that it was time to begin the separation process. I finally told him how I really felt and that I believed we could co-parent and love each other and the kids separately better than together. He didn’t receive it well, and he definitely didn’t like my “butterfly” thing at this point, but somehow in my gut I knew it was right. But, what I didn’t know is that I was being prepared to not just separate from him, but to have the strength to care for him during his cancer and be strong enough for him and the kids and myself as we fought for his life.